Monday, 28 August 2017

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper



Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using "I" statements — to stay in control.

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

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What is Anger?

Anger is a natural, though sometimes unwanted or irrational, emotion that everybody experiences from time to time.  


Anger experts describe the emotion as a primary, natural emotion which has evolved as a way of surviving and protecting yourself from what is considered a wrong-doing.
Mild anger may be brought on by feeling tired, stressed or irritated, in fact we are more likely to feel irritated if our basic human needs (food, shelter, sex, sleep, etc.) are not met or are jeopardised in some way.
We may become angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat and this is not necessarily a bad or inappropriate reaction.
We can also feel irritated by other people’s beliefs, opinions and actions and hence anger can affect our ability to communicate effectively - making us more likely to say or do unreasonable or irrational things. 
Being unreasonable or irrational can lead others around us to feel threatened, resentful or angry themselves and, again, these can all be barriers to effective communication.
Anger can also be a ‘secondary emotion’ to feeling sad, frightened, threatened or lonely.
It is useful to try to understand why you (or somebody else) is feeling angry at any given time so that the root causes can be addressed and problems solved.
Anger, however, is not just a state-of-mind. Anger can trigger physical changes including an increased heart rate, blood pressure and levels of hormones such as adrenaline preparing us physically for ‘fight or flight’.  Due to these physical effects long-term anger can be detrimental to health and wellbeing.

How Anger is Expressed

Anger can be expressed in many ways; different types of anger affect people differently and can manifest to produce different actions and signs of anger.  The most common signs of anger are both verbal and non-verbal. 
It can be clear that somebody is angry from what they say or how they say it, or from their tone of voice.  Anger can also be expressed through body language and other non-verbal cues: trying to look physically bigger (and therefore more intimidating), staring, frowning and clenching of fists.  Some people are very good at internalising their anger and it may be difficult to notice any physical signs.  It is, however, unusual for an actual physical attack to transpire without ‘warning’ signs appearing first.

What Makes People Angry?

At a basic instinctual level anger may be used as a way to help protect territory or family members, secure or protect mating privileges, protect against loss of food or other possessions, or as a response to other perceived threats.
Other reasons can be very diverse - sometimes rational and sometimes irrational. Irrational anger may mean that you have a problem with managing anger or even accepting that you are angry - our page on Anger Management covers ways that you can understand and manage your anger (or that of other people).
Some common triggers to anger include:
  • Grief and/or sadness, loss of a family member, friend or other loved one.
  • Rudeness, poor interpersonal skills and/or poor service. (See Interpersonal Skillsand Customer Service Skills)
  • Tiredness, since people may have shorter tempers and be more irritable when tired.
  • Hunger.
  • Injustice: for example infidelity, being bullied, humiliated or embarrassed, or being told that you, or a loved one, has a serious illness.
  • Sexual frustration.
  • Money problems and the stress associated with debt.
  • Some forms of stress, unrealistic deadlines and things beyond our immediate control such as being stuck in traffic. (See: What is Stress? and Avoiding Stress)
  • A feeling of failure or disappointment.
  • Becoming angry as a result of taking drugs or alcohol, or when withdrawing from such substances.
  • Having a crime committed against you or a loved one: theft, violence, sexual offences but also more minor things such as a feeling of being treated inappropriately.
  • Being either physical or mentally unwell, being in pain or living with a serious illness can lead to feeling angry. 

Can Anger Make You Ill?

When we are angry, our bodies release the hormones adrenaline and cortisol, the same hormones released when we encounter stress.
As a result of these releases in hormones our blood pressure, pulse, body temperature and breathing rate may increase, sometimes to potentially dangerous levels. This natural chemical reaction is designed to give us an instant boost of energy and power and is often referred to as the 'fight or flight' reaction. This means that the body and mind prepare for a fight or for running away from danger.
However, people who get angry often cannot manage their anger effectively and can become ill, just as stress that is left unresolved may make you ill. Our bodies are not designed to withstand high levels of adrenaline and cortisol over long periods or on a very regular basis.
Some of the health problems that may occur as a result of being angry regularly or for long periods of time can include:
  • Aches and pains, usually in the back and head.
  • High blood pressure, which can, in severe cases, lead to serious complaints such as stroke or cardiac arrest.
  • Sleep problems. (See: The Importance of Sleep)
  • Problems with digestion.
  • Skin disorders.
  • Reduced threshold for pain.
  • Impaired immune system.
Anger can also lead to psychological problems such as:
It should be clear, therefore, that, anger can be detrimental to health. If anger is (or becomes) a problem should be managed, see our following pages for how this may be achieved.

Saturday, 26 August 2017

How stress affects your brain - Madhumita Murgia

Dealing with Stress at School in an Age of Anxiety

By  Daniel P. Keating Ph.D

In our modern age of anxiety, many of us are so stressed out that it’s hard to maintain focus on important goals. This isn’t just in our imaginations, or because of increased sensitivities that in an earlier era we would have simply ignored or overcome.  Data from the Center for Disease Control show sharp increases in stress-related disorders and diseases over the past few decades, and the Brookings Institution’s Hamilton Project found that the physical stress load we carry is sharply higher over a similar time period.  Even more worrisome in that report is that this stress epidemic appears to be increasing with each new generation.
Teachers and educational leaders in particular feel the stress coming from all directions – teachers are stressed, students are stressed, staff is stressed, and parents are stressed.  Added to the mix are demands for compliance with multiple directives and heightened accountability from numerous sources.  Dealing effectively with this system-wide stress is critical, and it helps to first understand how it works.
Early Life Adversity Impacts Mental and Physical Health: A “Vicious Cycle”
We’ve known for some time that toxic stress arising from early life adversity poses a high risk for mental as well as physical health, and recent evidence shows that these risks are long lasting. Excess stress in early life – even in the womb – can “get under the skin” to affect how the brain is wired as well as how genes are expressed“Stress dysregulation” (SDR) is a common consequence of early adversity.  It shows up in most students with a clinical mental health diagnosis, but many students even without a diagnosis exhibit behaviors – such as hair trigger anger, inability to self-regulate or calm themselves, sudden withdrawal from learning and social interaction – that affect not only themselves but everyone in their orbit.  It acts as a silent disruptor in the classroom and in school life generally.
New research findings also show that stress is contagious at a physiological level (Palumbo et al., 2017).  More students are arriving at school with SDR and with difficulties in coping, making it hard to build a positive learning environment.  The source of this dynamic is more obvious in schools that serve a high proportion of students from families facing major economic and social challenges, but it is also observed in schools that serve students from advantaged families with highly competitive expectations, as Denise Pope documented in Doing School.
This “vicious cycle” of disruption connects the phenomena of more stressed-out students, accelerating stress contagion at school, and increased societal demands and anxieties.  This cycle poses a difficult but often unrecognized challenge for teachers and educational leaders. We don’t yet know all the social and cultural forces that contribute to this stress epidemic, although increasing inequality and decreasing social mobility surely play a role in provoking the anxiety that is at the heart of the matter.  But even if educational leaders can’t directly change the larger social dynamic, they can work at the classroom, school, and system level to counteract its effects.
A Culture of Resilience at School
In doing background research for my recent book Born Anxious, I had a conversation with the principal of an alternative secondary school for high-risk students, many of whom display this SDR pattern.  His approach struck a chord: building a culture of resilience throughout the school.  This notion draws on extensive research on individual resilience, explained in Ann Masten’s Ordinary Magic, and extends those findings to considering how any educational organization can build support for resilience to counteract the negative effects of excess stress for everyone.  Here are the key elements:       
Social connections.  The single most effective route to providing a more resilient developmental pathway for students with a history of adversity is through positive social connections. Schools can provide a crucially unique setting to support resilience, offering an opportunity for students to connect with teachers, coaches, and mentors who exhibit caring and concern for students, communicating to them that they do matter to important adults in their lives.  In addition, schools can create a context for meaningful engagement and participation in a larger community in which positive social connections can flourish (Eccles & Roeser, 2013).
The principal I spoke with described an exemplary scenario.  One particularly troubled student, with an extensive history of early and continuing adversity, seemingly could not be reached when he arrived.  A teacher kept probing to find any point of connection, and would not give up.  Eventually, finding an interest in popular music that was meaningful to the student, the teacher began making innovative links, both to the curriculum and to broader social issues.  Taking the time for this kind of “super-nurturing” doesn’t happen in a vacuum – it requires a culture of resilience as well as committed teachers.  This student became one of the school’s best “turn-around” successes.
Neither of these – involved teachers and an engaged community – is automatic.  Both depend predominantly on educational leadership within the organization to promote a culture of resilience.  And a key part of that culture is that it needs to include not only students but also the whole organization, which in turn requires a collegial, collaborative leadership model, such as the one described by Michael Fullan in The Six Secrets of Change.  This emphasis on positive social connections also highlights the reality that effectively counteracting the ravages of excess stress is critical not only for students, but also for teachers, staff, and education leaders themselves.
Mindfulness in action.  The practice of mindfulness has received increasing attention in educational practice recently, and for good reasons.  Social connections lead to resilience through social support and socio-emotional learning, but also biologically, as they counteract the stress hormone cortisol (Keating, 2017).  Mindfulness confers benefits similar to social connection, but using the uniquely powerful part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, propelling us toward a habitual focus on the present and the opportunities it offers, while minimizing rumination about the past or fear of the future.  For organizations, this implies thoughtfully learning the lessons from past experiences combined with openness to a well-considered, collaborative process of change. For individuals and for organizations, a mindful approach provides a valuable “work around” for stressful times, allowing us to avoid anxiety-driven responses that launch an excessive stress response.
Attention to the physical.  A third major approach to supporting resilience and counteracting toxic stress is to attend to the physical domain.  Although not always seen as central to the educational mission, there are crucial supports as well as risks that can be identified and implemented.  Physical exercise is a readily available, highly effective method of stress reduction, and one that can be promoted in school settings as part of the school day and/or through extra-curricular opportunities that are available to all, not just to elite high school athletes. 
A second major physical contributor to personal resilience is sufficient sleep.  Sleep deficits are a major risk factor for a range of mental and physical health problems, as well as depleting the ability to cope with stress.  The challenges to learning arising from early start times, especially for teens, have been increasingly recognized, but their impact on mental health and the ability to cope with stress are equally important.  
The dangers of short-term “remedies” for feeling overstressed and being unable to cope with demands are also essential: comfort food and psychoactive substances can provide instant relief but are highly likely to lead to long-term problems.  Education that highlights and explains these risks can be effective, along with the provision of healthy nutritionoptions during the school day.  
It’s important to emphasize that these supports for resilience and for counteracting excess stress are just as important for teachers, staff, and leaders as they are for students.  The pathways to teacher burnout and student burnout travel the same route, and benefit from the same protective factors: social connection; mindfulness; and taking care of the physical dimension.  A bonus to this approach is that they can benefit everyone, even those not at risk from toxic stress or mental health challenges.   
Building a Culture of Resilience for Mental Health, Learning, and Positive Development
Drawing on what we know about how supporting resilience, it is clear that a leadership style that integrates collaboration, social connection, and mindful attention to current challenges offers the best opportunity for moving toward and sustaining a culture of resilience.  Articulating this approach as an explicit goal, and bringing all the stakeholders – including parents – on board creates the basis for sustainable progress toward building a culture of resilience.
The impact of the stress epidemic and of increasing SDR among students is felt in all areas of the school experience.  It clearly interferes with learning, not only for the students who struggle with staying in the game while feeling highly stressed, but for teachers and the rest of class who need to cope with the resulting disruptions.
When it begins to manifest as diagnosable mental health issues, which will be true at some point for about 25% of students (Merikangas et al., 2010), providing an appropriate blend of services becomes paramount.  The need for a comprehensive approach is acute, pulling together a shift toward a culture of resilience but also providing a range of prevention and intervention services.  A helpful organizational framework is to think of such services as existing along a continuum from universal services helpful for everyone (mindfulness, coping strategies), to targeted services for at-risk students, to direct clinical or educational services for students with an existing diagnosis.  Although these are often not exclusively school-based, they are more effective when there is close coordination between schools and community-based mental health providers. 
A hopeful direction for teachers and educational leaders at all levels is that a better awareness of the sources of the stress epidemic will enable a broader and more effective approach to dealing with it.  Rather than adding a new stressor, the path toward a culture of resilience has the potential to be helpful in coping with these increasing challenges, both personally and for organizations.  This can benefit all students as well as school professionals, and function as a major support for positive youth development.
References
REFERENCES
Center on the Developing Child (2007). The Impact of Early Adversity on Child Development (InBrief). Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
Eccles, J. S., & Roeser, R. W. (2013). Schools as developmental contexts during adolescence. In R. M. Lerner et al. (Eds.), Handbook of psychology: Developmental psychology (pp. 321-337). Hoboken, NJ, US: John Wiley & Sons Inc.
Keating, D. P., (2016). The transformative role of epigenetics in child development research. Child Development, 87 (1), 135-142.
Keating, D. P. (2017). Born Anxious: The Lifelong Impact of Early Life Adversity – and How to Break the Cycle. New York: St. Martin’s Press. stmartins.com/bornanxious
Merikangas KR, He JP, Brody D, Fisher PW, Bourdon K, Koretz DS. (2010). Prevalence and treatment of mental disorders among US children in the 2001-2004 NHANES. Pediatrics, 125(1):75-81.
Palumbo, R. V., Marraccini, M. E., Weyandt, L. L., Wilder-Smith, O., McGee, H. A., Liu, S., & Goodwin, M. S. (2017). Interpersonal autonomic physiology: A systematic review of the literature. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 21(2):99-141. 
Schanzenbach, D. W., Bauer, L., Mumford, M., & Nunn, R. (2016).  Money Lightens the Load. Brookings Institution: The Hamilton Project.  www.hamiltonproject.org

Walker, T. (2016).  Educators Look to Parents and Communities To Help Reduce Student Stress. NEA Today. (Retrieved at http://neatoday.org/2016/09/16/reducing-student-stress/)


Friday, 25 August 2017

Anger Management Test - Abridged

5 MINUTES

Do you have difficulty controlling your temper? Does your anger come out in unhealthy ways that could hurt others as well as yourself? Anger is a powerful emotion that can lead to serious problems in your relationships and career if left unbridled. Learn more about your ability to manage it by taking this anger test. It's designed to evaluate the manner in which you approach and handle anger-inducing situations.
Examine the following statements and choose the answer option that best applies to you. There may be some questions describing situations that may not be relevant to you. In such cases, select the answer you would most likely choose if you ever found yourself in that type of situation. In order to receive the most accurate results, please answer as truthfully as possible. After finishing the test, you will receive a brief personalized interpretation of your score that includes a graph and information on the test topic.

Stress Management Strategies: Ways to Unwind

5 Weird Ways Stress Can Actually Be Good for You

We hear over and over again that stress is unhealthy. And all that talk makes us, well, stressed. Here's how a little short-term anxiety can actually benefit your brain and body.


Amanda MacMillan


We hear over and over again that stress is unhealthy. And all that talk makes us, well, stressed. But getting worked up isn't always a bad thing, says Richard Shelton, MD, vice chair for research in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Alabama Birmingham; after all, the body's fight-or-flight response is meant to be protective, not harmful.
It's only when stress becomes chronic, or when we feel we're no longer in control of a situation, that it negatively affects our health and wellbeing.
Here, then, are five reasons you should rest easier when it comes to everyday stress—and how a little short-term anxiety can actually benefit your brain and body.
It helps boost brainpower
Low-level stressors stimulate the production of brain chemicals called neurotrophins, and strengthen the connections between neurons in the brain. In fact, this may be the primary mechanism by which exercise (a physical stressor) helps boost productivity and concentration, Dr. Shelton says. Short-term psychological stressors, he adds, can have a similar effect, as well. Plus, animal studies have suggested that the body's response to stress can temporarily boost memoryand learning scores.
It can increase immunity—in the short term
"When the body responds to stress, it prepares itself for the possibility of injury or infection," says Dr. Shelton. "One way it does this is by producing extra interleukins—chemicals that help regulate the immune system—providing at least a temporary defensive boost." Research in animals support this idea, as well: A 2012 Stanford study found that subjecting lab rats to mild stress produced a "massive mobilization" of several types of immune cells in their bloodstreams.
It can make you more resilient
Learning to deal with stressful situations can make future ones easier to manage, according to a large body of research on the science of resilience. It's the idea behind Navy SEAL training, Dr. Shelton says—although you can certainly benefit from less extreme experiences, as well. "Repeated exposure to stressful events gives [SEALs] the chance to develop both a physical and psychological sense of control, so when they're in actually combat they don't just shut down," he says.


This idea may even hold true at a cellular level: A 2013 University of California San Francisco study found that while chronic stress promotes oxidative damage to our DNA and RNA, moderate levels of perceived daily stress actually seem to protect against it and enhance "psychobiological resilience."
It motivates you to succeed
Good stress, also known in the scientific community as eustress, may be just the thing you need to get job done at work. "Think about a deadline: It's staring you in the face, and it's going to stimulate your behavior to really manage the situation effectively, rapidly, and more productively," says Dr. Shelton. The key, he says, is viewing stressful situations as a challenge that you can meet, rather than an overwhelming, unpassable roadblock.
Eustress can also help you enter a state of "flow," a heightened sense of awareness and complete absorption into an activity, according to research from psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow can be achieved in the workplace, in sports, or in a creative endeavor (such as playing a musical instrument), and Csikszentmihalyi argues that it's driven largely by pressure to succeed.
It can enhance child development
Moms-to-be often worry that their own anxiety will negatively affect their unborn babies—and it can, when it's unrelenting. But a 2006 Johns Hopkins study found that most children of women who reported mild to moderate stress levels during pregnancy actually showed greater motor and developmental skills by age 2 than those of unstressed mothers. The one exception: the children of women who viewed their pregnancy as more negative than positive had slightly lower attention capacity.






Thursday, 24 August 2017

Relaxing Sleep Music: Deep Sleeping Music, Relaxing Music, Stress Relief...



I love to fall asleep to music like this - what helps you sleep?

Eat Yourself to Calm


Have you ever considered what you eat might be influencing how you feel? What we consume can increase our energy levels and calm our mood. Before an exam, presentation or an important meeting it is all too easy to reach for a biscuit to provide some comfort. But that temporary junk food high or sugar rush is unlikely to help your mood – nor will it do your waistline any good.

We each now consume a staggering 24lbs of chocolate every year – and that’s before you factor in any other sweet treats. Giving our bodies processed platefuls of food might make you feel good at first, but they can actually leave us feeling more wired. Whilst it is not always possible to avoid the trials and tribulations of daily life, what we can change is how we react to them with a healthy diet.
Sally Wisbey (www.sallywisbeynutrition.co.uk), Nutritionist suggests swapping some popular foods for a more natural alternative:
Swap: Refined white flours such as bread, pasta and rice and potatoes
Try: Wholegrain flour, bread, pasta and sweet potatoes.  These will provide your digestive system with more fibre and maintains regular cleansing of the digestive system.
Swap:  Caffeinated drinks such as coffee, fizzy drinks and alcohol as these may make you feel irritable
Try: Herbal teas such as chamomile can be pleasant and calming to drink. Green tea is an exception to the rule when it comes to no caffeine as it is supposedly richer in anti-oxidants than other types of tea because of the way they are processed.
Swap: Carbohydrate heavy diet
Try: Adding fish, chicken, turkey, beef or eggs to every meal. Protein contributes to the maintenance of muscle mass and bone development. It is also essential for the production of aminio acids, the building blocks of protein and has a role in producing neurotransmitters in the brain.  When snacking on fruit, include a small handful of nuts and seeds.
Swap: Gulping down food
Try: Taking a moment out and relax, pop a soothing RESCUE® Pastille into your mouth. RESCUE Pastilles provide a moment of calm and contain a combination of five Bach™ Original Flower Essences – Star of Bethlehem, Clematis, Impatiens, Rock Rose and Cherry Plum. The pleasant-tasting Pastilles come in Elderflower & Orange, Blackcurrant or Cranberry flavours in a handy click-shut tin. Please note the Pastilles are not suitable for vegans.

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What Does Success Look Like?

Working with clients who want something more in life, my question is all about what that might look like. I thought I would share the parabl...