Mastering Your Emotions Part 3: Releasing Negative Human Emotions

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Mastering Your Emotions Part 2: How to Control Emotions

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Reprogramming our Mind

"Does my subconscious programming support my heart's desire?" If we are generally unobservant of these behaviors, how do we know what our programs are?

Since most of the programming occurred before we were seven, and especially since much of our personality was defined before we were born, our conscious minds may have no clue what was downloaded into our subconscious minds. So how can we assess the character of our subconscious programming?

That is easy once you understand the interplay between the subconscious and conscious minds. Since 95 percent of our behavior is controlled by our subconscious autopilots, not our conscious minds, by definition our lives are physical printouts of the behaviors programmed in our subconscious minds.

If, for example, you've struggled with money all your life, think back, as a number of financial gurus now counsel, to the programming you received about money when you were young and how that programming is still impacting your life. In her book The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, Suze Orman writes, "Messages about money are passed down from generation to generation, worn and chipped like the family dishes." Orman, for example, learned very young that the reason her parents "seemed so unhappy" was not that they didn't love each other but that there was never enough money to pay the bills. "In our house money meant tension, worry and sorrow."

You can, as now wealthy Orman did, undo even the most negative programming. And you don't have to change your whole life! Just focus on the areas where you need help. Maybe money savvy comes naturally to you, but you struggle in relationships. No need to work on your subconscious programming regarding money. The things you like, the things that come easily to you, are already supported by positive subconscious programming - that's why you experience them. However, anything you have to work hard on, anything you've tried over and over to change with no success, anything you struggle to acquire - those are the areas that most likely represent limiting and self sabotaging subconscious beliefs that need to be reprogrammed.

Not only do you not need to change everything, but it's not necessary to go to a psychologist to understand everything. You don't have to rip yourself apart emotionally. You don't have to focus on the people who are to "blame" for your programming. It's not necessary to kill the messenger. It's the message that needs to be rewritten because it's the message that has given rise to your behavior. So don't waste time going back and dwelling on the messenger, because that effort generally stimulates those old feelings that were so painful and brings them back to life again. All you have to do is focus on rewriting those subconscious behavioral programs that interfere with realizing your desires.

See Bruce H. Lipton on how we change our limiting belief systems here.

Author: Bruce H. Lipton

Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D., cell biologist and lecturer, is an internationally recognized leader in bridging science and spirit

6 Steps To Deal With Your Emotions (without fighting them)

I Am Not A Person Who Takes Naturally To Dealing With Emotions.

This may surprise people who have not known me for my entire life. Currently, I handle my emotions well. I am able to remain calm, while still feeling my feelings and reacting appropriately. However, this was not always the case.

Over The Course Of Several Years, I Have Had To Teach Myself How To Recognize And Handle Emotions.

Doing so is surprisingly hard. However, with practice, it can become second nature. Of all the skills I have developed in my life, I would say the capacity to deal with emotions is the most valuable. That’s why I’m so happy to be able to share it with you.

Here Are Six Steps To Working Through A Difficult Emotion:

1. Accept That You Are Having A Feeling.

Don’t try to push it down where you can’t see it. Don’t try to tell yourself that it isn’t important, or that it doesn’t exist. Bring your emotion out into the light of day. Examine it. Watch it evolve in your mind, and uncover the multiple layers behind it. Let your emotion develop without judging it. Be receptive to what it tells you.

2. Listen To Your Emotions.

Many people consider this step to be fluffy, but it is actually very much rooted in logic. In the context of your brain and body, your feelings function as data. Your emotions are telling you something. What do your instincts say about this situation? What past events come to mind? How are they relevant? Mine your emotions for as much data as possible. Harness them to help you make wise decisions.

3. Seek Perspective.

Consider you are fighting with a loved one. Take an honest look at the situation from their point of view. Do they have all the information they need to understand you? Do you understand them as well as you need to? Consider your emotions in the context of your day, your year, and your entire life. How is what you’re feeling now connected to your upbringing? How will your reaction reverberate through your future?

4. Formulate A Game Plan.

What does this situation call for? Do you need to apologize? Do you need to share your feelings with a loved one to prevent your resentment from ruining your relationship? Do you need to work through this issue on your own? Put together a game plan that will help you to work through your feelings. It may involve journaling, going for a long run, having a difficult conversation, or even speaking with a therapist. Your game plan should help you to engage with your emotions and eventually to move past them. It should also preserve any valuable relationships that may be at stake.

5. Reflect On Your Reaction.

Is your response truly aligned with your values? Are you doing the right thing? Are you taking the easy way out at the expense of honesty or authenticity? Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable? Are you being fair to everyone involved? Is your reaction being driven by courage and hope, or by fear? Be honest with yourself. If you react in a way that is not true to your identity, you will only feel worse later on.

6. Revise And Respond.

Based on step five, you will likely need to adjust your game plan to align with your values. Do so, and then put it into practice. It may go well. It may go poorly. As long as you have acted with integrity, you have done your part. If you still don’t feel right about things, you can go back to the drawing board and start again. There is no limit to the number of cycles you can take through these steps.

“When you react, you let other control you. When you respond, you are in control,” wrote Bohdi Sanders.

Don’t Push Your Emotions Down, And Don’t Let Them Run Your Life With Wild Abandon. Engage With Them Thoughtfully. Treat Your Feelings With The Respect That They Deserve.

Author: BY ROBYN REISCH

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Mastering Your Emotions Part 1: Understanding Emotions

I am not sure whether mastering is the right word, but it is so important that we are able to express our emotions in a safe and appropriate way - How do you manage your emotional state?

Resilience | How stress affects your body and brain

What does it really mean when we talk about stress? Clinical Physiologist Lead, Marcus Herbert, explains what's going on inside your body and your brain when stress strikes.

Stress is a very personal matter, in that it relies on our own perceptions. Put simply, stress is when a situation, pressure or change exceeds our coping abilities.

Take a rollercoaster ride for example. You might have two people that go on a rollercoaster together - one person may take genuine enjoyment from the experience. The other may experience genuine fear or anxiety. The rollercoaster itself doesn't change but our perceptions of it will differ. The same can be said for other stressful situations.

Of course, this example is just short-term stress, which in isolation may not cause us any harm at all. It's only when stress accumulates and exceeds our coping ability without adequate recovery that it becomes a problem. Stress is likely to occur after a build-up of life-change events that can be either positive or negative. They could include a business realignment, a promotion or even something enjoyable such as a holiday. What matters is that there is a change to you normal routine.

We all know that stress can make us feel overwhelmed, agitated and sometimes overwhelmed. The question is how does stress affect our body and our mind, and what can we do about it?

The physiological effects of stress

Within your central nervous system (your brain and spine) you have the autonomic system. This controls all of the processes that you do without thinking, such as breathing, digestion and your heart beat.

Within the autonomic system there are two systems of interest, which work in tandem with each other. These are the sympathetic system, known as the ‘fight or flight’ system, and the parasympathetic system, or the ‘rest and digest’ system.

The sympathetic system is responsible for increasing heart rate, increasing blood pressure and increasing blood sugar to help you to perform when stress hits. When you are stressed, this system triggers these necessary responses, and the function of your rest and digest system is reduced. The parasympathetic system is responsible for suppressing heart rate and bringing you back down to homeostasis.

Another hormone released when we are stressed is cortisol. Cortisol is an energising hormone which increases the level of blood sugar. This is great in the short term to provide energy to react quickly, but in the long term it can be bad for the immune system (as DHEA, which is also released by the adrenal glands and supports our immune system, can’t be released when cortisol is released).

Excess release of cortisol over a long period of time can also lead to increased risk of strokes and heart attacks. When blood sugar levels are raised it can lead to inflammation of artery walls. This damage can cause the immune system to respond, leading to a build-up of fatty deposits which can block the arteries. If some of this build up breaks away and is released into the bloodstream then it can block smaller arteries that lead into your brain or heart.

Stress can also limit our ability to think clearly. When we are stressed our ‘amygdala’ labels information coming into the brain as threatening and at the same time, limits activity in the cerebral cortex, the part of our brain that allows us to think strategically. This reduces our ability to make decisions, be sociable and take on new ideas and information. As a result, you may act in a way that you might later regret.

Coping strategies

So how can we combat these effects of stress and learn to develop resilience and perform better under pressure? When it comes to effective stress management, it's important to focus on the factors that are within your control.

1. Better sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep is important in reducing stress because when we are deprived of sleep, the amygdala becomes much more reactive and so will our minds and bodies. It’s also important to take regular breaks during the day to re-energise.

2. Gentle exercise

Low to moderate intensity exercise with a focus on muscle activation and breathing, like yoga can also have a positive effect on stress. That’s because it drives up the activation of the rest and digest system, rather than the fight or flight system which is activated during more intense exercise. Therefore, going for a gentle walk before bedtime can be more beneficial than a high intensity run. Furthermore, exercise can be a welcome distraction from the stressors in your life.

3. Don't look to substances to unwind

There are some lifestyle considerations that can help reduce stress too. Ingesting caffeine, alcohol and nicotine all increase the activation of the fight or flight system. So smoking and drinking wine are not the destressors that people think they are.

Taking these factors on board and modifying your behaviour can help you to improve your ability to prepare for, react to and recover from the stressors in your life, ultimately improving your resilience.

Author: Marcus HERBERT, Nuffield Health Clinical Lead Physiologist in the South East

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How can I be more resilient?

Taking steps to look after your wellbeing can help you deal with pressure, and reduce the impact that stress has on your life. This is sometimes called developing emotional resilience – the ability to adapt and bounce back when something difficult happens in your life.

For example, you can:

• make some lifestyle changes
• look after your physical health
• give yourself a break
• use your support network

(For more tips on building your emotional resilience, see our pages on improving your wellbeing, and increasing your self-esteem.)

Make some lifestyle changes

There are some general changes that you can make to your lifestyle that could help you feel more able to cope with pressure and stressful situations.

• Practise being straightforward and assertive in communicating with others. If people are making unreasonable or unrealistic demands on you, be prepared to tell them how you feel and say no. (The organisation Mind Tools provides tips on assertiveness on their website.)
• Use relaxation techniques. You may already know what helps you relax, like having a bath, listening to music or taking your dog for a walk. If you know that a certain activity helps you feel more relaxed, make sure you set aside time to do it. (See our pages on relaxation for lots more ideas.)
• Develop your interests and hobbies. Finding an activity that's completely different from the things causing you stress is a great way to get away from everyday pressures. If stress is making you feel lonely or isolated, shared hobbies can also be a good way to meet new people.
• Make time for your friends. When you've got a lot on this might seem hard, but it can help you feel more positive and less isolated. Chatting to friends about the things you find difficult can help you keep things in perspective – and you can do the same for them. Laughing and smiling with them will also produce hormones that help you to relax.
• Find balance in your life. You may find that one part of your life, such as your job or taking care of young children, is taking up almost all of your time and energy. Try making a decision to focus some of your energy on other parts of your life, like family, friends or hobbies. It's not easy, but this can help spread the weight of pressures in your life, and make everything feel lighter.

When I'm stressed, I take myself away from everyone, into another room or somewhere quiet – even just for five minutes – and sing to myself. Not full on belting out a tune, but just quietly or even humming to myself, really calms me down.

Look after your physical health

Taking steps to look after your physical health can help you manage stress and lessen the impact on your overall mental health.

• Get good sleep. Stress can make it difficult for you to sleep, and you may develop sleep problems. Being well-rested can increase your ability to deal with difficult situations.
• Be more physically active. Physical activity is important for reducing stress levels and preventing some of its damaging effects on the body (so long as you don't overdo it).
• Eat healthily. When you're stressed, it can be tempting to eat too much of the wrong kinds of food or to eat too little. But what you eat, and when you eat, can make a big difference to how well you feel. See our pages on food and mood for more tips.

Give yourself a break

Learning to be kinder to yourself in general can help you control the amount of pressure you feel in different situations, which can help you feel less stressed.

• Reward yourself for achievements – even small things like finishing a piece of work or making a decision. You could take a walk, read a book, treat yourself to food you enjoy, or simply tell yourself "well done".
• Get a change of scenery. You might want to go outside, go to a friend’s house or go to a café for a break – even if it's just for a short time.
• Take a break or holiday. Time away from your normal routine can help you relax and feel refreshed. Even spending a day in a different place can help you feel more able to face stress.
• Resolve conflicts, if you can. Although this can sometimes be hard, speaking to a manager, colleague or family member about problems in your relationship with them can help you find ways to move forward.
• Forgive yourself when you make a mistake, or don't achieve something you hoped for. Try to remember that nobody's perfect, and putting extra pressure on yourself doesn't help.

I say to myself, "be kind to yourself – do what will help you relax right now".

I distract myself from my [...] worry by doing a puzzle or playing a game.

Use your support network

Remember that whatever you're going through that's causing you stress, you don't have to cope with it alone.

• Friends and family. Sometimes just telling the people close to you how you're feeling can make a big difference – and they might be able to help you out in other ways too.
• Support at work, such as your line manager, human resources (HR) department, union representatives, or employee assistance schemes. Try not to worry that talking to your manager or colleagues about stress will be seen as a sign of weakness – your wellbeing is important and responsible employers will take it seriously. If you're worried that the culture in your workplace might not be very supportive, you might find it helpful to take a look at:
  
  • Time to Change's resources on stress, depression and mental health support at work
  • the Health and Safety Executive’s information on work-related stress
• Support at university or college, such as your tutors, student union or student services. (See our pages on how to cope with student life for more tips on accessing support as a student.)
• Peer support. Sometimes sharing your experiences with people who've been through something similar can help you feel less alone. Elefriends and Big White Wall both offer supportive online communities where you can talk openly about stress and your mental health. (For guidance on using these services safely, see our pages on staying safe online.)
• Specialist websites and organisations. For example:
• The Stressbusting website and the Stress Management Society both offer information about stress and provide techniques for coping.
• The Mind Tools website can help you with stress management and assertiveness techniques.
• The Be Mindful website provides guidance on mindfulness, including how to find a mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) course.
• The International Stress Management Association can help you find a specialist stress practitioner in your local area.
• Mind's Infoline can let you about support groups and mental health services in your local area.
• Your GP. If you feel like you need some professional support, you can speak to your doctor. They can check your overall health, and help you access treatments. They could also recommend that you take some time off work, university or college, and sign a medical note for you.

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