Who you spend time with… is who YOU BECOME

I first heard this quote and concept over 15 years ago at a Tony Robbins weekend event.

I was there by myself, having seen an advertisement for it while walking the streets of New York where I lived, and knowing I needed to do something different with my life.

Amongst many insights that weekend, “Who you spend time with is who you become” was powerful for me, but I also found it difficult to implement.

You might have heard this quote, or similar concepts, including research showing that your income often has a direct correlation with your five closest friends.

So what’s going on here? And how do we manage choices and decisions about what to do when we have an awareness of this concept?

Here are some of the challenges and solutions as I see them:

1.  Maybe the people around you are not the best influence, but you love them, and you’re a good friend, so what do you do?

2.  What about family? Does this idea tell you to leave family members who aren’t a positive influence in the dust, because they’re not helping you?

3.  Where do you find new friends and positive influence anyway? Is there a special club or secret meeting place? 

Ok, so let’s address the different questions:

Question #1: Maybe the people around you are not the best influence, but you love them, and you’re a good friend, so what do you do?

I fully believe in this concept, but I think the key is to address and implement it with moderation and compassion.  Too often we learn something like this and see it as a black or white issue.  This person is negative, so I’m not talking to them anymore! That friend has really poor beliefs about money, so I’m out!

And the challenge with going all out on it is that often these same people, the ones closest to you, the ones you love, are exactly the ones who can help you grow the most!

For example, let’s say you have a friend who has really negative beliefs about money.  You’re trying to change your experience with money, rewrite old limiting beliefs and stuck patterns, (like we’re doing in my 7 week financial program right now – we’re on week 2, but you can still join and catch up, listen later, etc. if you’re interested go here) but whenever you’re around this person, they’re negative, they doubt what you’re doing and it brings you down.

What to do?  I think it’s a multi-step approach:

Step 1:  TAP on how that person makes you feel.

If they’re really pushing your buttons, it means there are buttons to be pushed! It means some part of you isn’t fully aligned or confident about your new beliefs or ideas.   So them triggering you is a perfect opportunity to tap down that fear, stress and anxiety.

A simple way to tap, shortly after a negative experience, is to simply imagine it happening in your mind’s eye again.  Hear what they see, feel what you felt, be there, tuned in to your body, and acknowledge what it’s triggering inside you.  Keep tapping until you can run the “movie” without emotional attachment.  You might even find that the movie changes as you tap along and gain confidence about your beliefs.

Step 2:  Pay attention to how circumstances and people change when YOU change.

You’ll often find that after doing the tapping, when you encounter that person or a similar circumstance again, things change! We often have these pre-conceived notions of how people are going to act, what they’re going to say, and that can guide the conversation in seen and unseen ways.  Pay attention to how circumstances and people change when YOU change.

Step 3:  If you’re still being triggered, consider some space from them. 

If you’re doing the tapping, but these individuals are still triggering you too much, still bringing you down, then perhaps it is time to consider some space from them.  But here’s the KEY: I want you to make that consideration from a place of clarity, of peace, of compassion…not from a place of fear, of “I have to run away from this person”.   Making the choice from a place of peace and clarity will make all the difference in your outcome.

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Question #2: What about family? Does this idea tell you to leave family members who aren’t a positive influence in the dust, because they’re not helping you?

I had an interesting tapping session the other day, as part of working on my next book focused on pain relief, with a lady who had some neck pain that just wouldn’t go away.   She had actually used tapping to completely eliminate back pain she had had for years, but the neck pain wouldn’t seem to go.

After drilling down with some power questions: “If there was an emotion in your neck, what would it be?”  “If someone was in your neck, who would it be?” she shared some of the challenges she’s having with her 89 year old father.

She’s his primary caretaker, and they live together, and she shared that whenever she tried to tell him about all the great, new and exciting things happening in her life, he was constantly doubting her, questioning what she was doing, and making her feel terrible.

So what to do here? Kick Dad out on the street because he’s not being positive enough?   Of course not.   So we tapped! Focusing on the things he said to her, I had her imagine what he would say, and say it out loud, simply tapping through the points, using his tone of voice, using his exact language, and tuning in to how it made her feel.

Point by point, statement by statement, she released all the stress, anxiety, sadness and anger that his statements caused her.   As often happens, after the first layer, we found some deeper pain, some real sadness about the relationship and how he was making her feel.

After 10-15 minutes of tapping, she shared how much lighter she felt and how she could now imagine him saying those things, without the same response from her.  In fact, she started connecting with the love she felt for him, and you could see a real possibility of the relationship improving just from this small tapping session.

And… the reason we started tapping in the first place, her neck pain, was COMPLETELY gone.  Down to a zero, no pain, no restricted motion!

So what does this mean for you?

It means these relationships, this pain, this anger, sadness, betrayal, fear, is a wonderful opportunity for healing.  There are absolutely times when people and relationships are simply too toxic and we need to move away from them.  There are absolutely times when we need to be aware of who we spend time with, to avoid burning ourselves out, to have boundaries, to make clear decisions about ourselves and our energy.

But what I’m suggesting is that you do the tapping FIRST, clear the hurt, the anger, the sadness, and then, from that place of forgiveness, compassion, clarity and more, from THERE, you make the best decision for yourself.

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Question #3: Where do you find new friends and positive influence anyway? Is there a special club or secret meeting place? 

A.  Weekend Getaways Change Lives!  Just like that weekend 15 years ago where I surrounded myself with positive people, made new friends and made new decisions about my life, I’ve found that weekend events, when you change your environment for a weekend, get a new perspective, learn new information and more, can be dramatically powerful.

I just spent this past weekend in Ft. Lauderdale and saw it all happen again, not only for the 3,000 people in the audience, but for myself!  The Hay House “I Can Do It!” events aren’t just great for me when I’m on stage and connecting with YOU, they also nurture and feed my soul when I get to connect with other speakers and friends.

So make that choice to do something different, to show up for a weekend or a day, and connect with new people.  It can be exactly what you need! And it can be a weekend about ANYTHING! It doesn’t have to be about personal growth, whatever your interests are, get out there, out of your comfort zone and go! If you’d like to join me at one of these events this year, I’ll be speaking in Austin (details here), Pasadena (details here), and New York (details here).

Having dinner at the recent Hay House “I Can Do It” event with friends Cheryl Richardson, John Holland, Kris Carr and Gabby Bernstein.

B.  A Getaway On Your iPod:

Surrounded by grumpy people who don’t believe in you and your dreams?  Besides doing everything else we’ve talked about, make some new friends on your iPod.

Yes, it’s not the same kind of friendship and relationship, but getting positive, uplifting information can be truly life-changing.  I know it has been for me.  Besides tapping, I credit my iPod as perhaps the most transformative tool for me, because of the hours, days, weeks, months and years spent listening to positive information.

And hey, I started listening to Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss, Louise Hay and others on my iPod YEARS before they became my actual, real, huggable physical friends.  So who knows what can happen! 

C.  Give Books as Gifts:

It’s hard to “convince” your friends about your new ideas, and you’re certainly not going to CHANGE them, all by yourself.  But you can NUDGE them in the right direction, and books can be a great way to do that.

If you’re looking to lose a few pounds this Spring, and want a friend to support you, pick up a copy of Jessica’s new book (The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss and Body Confidence) for them and read it together (details here or click on the banner below).  Start a small book club and find people who will support you in your journey.

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What is Etiquette and Why is It Important?

The foundation of proper etiquette is behavior that is accepted as gracious and polite in social, professional, and family situations. Good manners can mean the difference between success and failure in many aspects of life. Knowing and exhibiting proper etiquette is essential to any civilization. 

Family Etiquette

The place to start with etiquette is at home with the family. When you get married, you instinctively know you are better off getting along with your new in-laws, so you show them that you are poised and gracious.

You’ve also learned that your spouse responds better when you say, “Please,” and, “Thank you,” than when you issue an order and refuse to acknowledge cooperation. Children who are taught good manners and to respect their parents take their lessons out into the world.

Basic etiquette rules for family members:

• Respect each other’s personal space and don't crowd them.
• Respect each other’s belongings.
• Don’t interrupt when someone else is talking.
• Be on time for dinner.
• Use polite language such as “Please” and “Thank you.”
• Don’t text or talk on your cell phone during a family meal.
• Chew with your mouth closed.
• Don’t yell or call each other names.
• Pick up after yourself so someone else doesn’t have to do it.
• Listen to Mom and Dad and do what they say.
• Be cautious when your children's images and comments on social media.

Social Etiquette

Social etiquette involves how you behave out in the public, with friends and strangers, whether you are at someone's home or in a restaurant.

If you treat your friends and neighbors with respect, you are more likely to remain on their lists of people they trust, care about, and invite to parties. It also prevents you from being embarrassed later by behavior that was unbecoming or offensive. This includes social media, which can magnify your behavior.

Basic social etiquette rules:

• Always be on time for dates and get-togethers. Showing up late is rude and shows a lack of respect for other people’s time.
• Make eye contact when you are in a conversation with someone. Avoid looking over the other person’s shoulder unless you see potential danger.
• Never interrupt the other person.
• Give and receive compliments graciously.
• Refuse to gossip with and about friends. After all, if you share gossip with someone, that person will wonder what you are saying behind his or her back.
• Hold doors for anyone who seems to be struggling, including physically challenged people and parents with young children.
• When you are invited to a party, don’t show up empty-handed. Bring a host or hostess gift and something to share.
• If you are sick and contagious, let the other person know. It is generally best to postpone your plans and reschedule after you are feeling better, since it is rude to knowingly expose your friends to illness.
• Cover your mouth and nose when you sneeze.
• Pay your share when you are with a friend or group. If you stiff your friends, they may not invite you again. This includes tipping.

Basic social media etiquette rules:

• Never post anything on any forum that you wouldn’t want the world to see.

• Avoid put-downs, regardless of how witty you think you are.
• Don’t divulge too much information about yourself or your family. You can never be sure who all is watching. This includes posting dates you’ll be out of town and when you are hiring a teenage sitter to watch your children. You must protect your family.
• Self-promotion is okay in limited amounts. There are others who need your attention, so take some time to respond to their posts and offer praise when needed.
• If you make a mistake on social media, own it. Offer a sincere apology and avoid doing it again.
• Follow the rules of whatever social media you are using.

Professional Etiquette

Following professional etiquette allows others to see that you are a polite, civilized coworker who knows how to be nice and can represent the company in a positive way.

If you don’t show good manners, you run the risk of ruining your reputation. This can prevent you from being promoted and in some cases may even get you fired.

Basic professional etiquette rules:

• Always arrive on time.
• Dress appropriately for your office environment.
• Never interrupt conversations unless there's an emergency.
• If you must eat at your desk, and you work in a cubicle, avoid foods with strong odors.
• Remove papers from the copier, fax machine, and scanner after you are finished with the task.
• Shake hands when appropriate.
• Don't become the office chatterbox because you'll annoy people while they're working.
• Praise others for a job well done.
• Never take credit for other people’s work.
• Be friendly to clients, visitors, and guests. Offer them a comfortable seat if they have to wait.
• Use your indoor voice and avoid yelling.
• If someone else is angry, refuse to join in an argument or rant.
• Don’t touch other people’s personal belongings.
• Observe proper etiquette with regard to personal space.
• Participate in office donations, but don’t make an issue of how much or how little you give.
• Keep office correspondence brief and avoid interjecting personal opinions unless it is necessary.
• Maintain a professional image when decorating your office or cubicle.
• When socializing with your coworkers, don’t do anything you don’t want mentioned at the office later.

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Take Immediate Control Of Your Day And 10X Your Productivity - Tony Robbins

Am watching this and feeling inspired by this man - I love his thinking. You may not like his style, but LISTEN to what he is saying, there is much in it that is now being proven by neuroscience

Ruby Wax has talked a great deal about her challenges, I am sure you will learn much from her book! Click Here to order now

The 5 Second Rule to Change Your Life with Mel Robbins and Lewis Howes

Have you gone through big change in your life? How did you manage it?

Tapping Meditation for Morning Clearing with Jessica Ortner - The Tappin...

Tapping is very effective, as it helps the body overcome the programmed emotional (and thinking) memories that are stored in our neurology. It acts as a pattern of interrupt, enabling the unconscious mind to start to create new responses.

Give it a try!

Male Midlife Crisis

The male midlife crisis is often made fun of, but for many men it is a distressing experience.

A midlife crisis can happen when men think they've reached life's halfway stage and feel time is running out.

It's not a medical condition but people going through a midlife crisis can experience anxiety and depression.

The age at which people experience a midlife crisis can vary. It can typically occur anywhere between the age of 35 and 50.

Dr Derek Milne, a clinical psychologist, says: "If I was giving advice on how to cope, I'd suggest telling your GP you're feeling depressed, because depression makes up a significant portion of the midlife crisis." 

Depression can be triggered by a major life change, such as divorce, separation, long-term illness, bereavement or job loss. Sometimes there appears to be no obvious reason.

Symptoms of depression can include:

• low mood lasting two weeks or more
• not getting any enjoyment out of life
• feeling hopeless
• feeling tired or lacking energy
• not being able to concentrate on everyday things like reading the paper or watching television
• sleeping more than usual or being unable to sleep

Get tips on coping with depression.

If you're still feeling down or depressed after a couple of weeks, talk to your GP or call NHS 111.

Other mid-life symptoms

When they reach their late 40s to early 50s, some men experience loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, mood swings and other physical or emotional symptoms.

Read more about the so called male menopause.

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Tony Robbins: Making Change Real #1

I have been to #UPW and heard this man directly. Much of what he covers I have learnt through NLP, but he has encapsulated in a much more compelling way!



I urge you to watch this and let me know if anything he says helps you see things differently

Finding the Place You Belong

BY MADISYN TAYLOR

There will likely be times in your life when your soul evolves more quickly than your circumstances.

There will likely be times in your life when your soul evolves more quickly than your circumstances. Your subconscious mind may be ready to move forward long before you recognize that you are destined to embrace a new way of life. Your soul intuitively understands that changing habitats can be a vital part of the growth process and that there may be one part of you that is eager to move to another home, another state, or another plane of existence. But the ties that bind you to your current mode of being can make moving into this next stage of your life more challenging than it has to be. If you find it difficult to move on, consider that just as people in your life may come and go, your role in others' lives may also be temporary. And many of the conditions that at first seemed favorable served you for a short time. When you are ready to match your situation to your soul, you will find that you feel a new sense of harmony and increasingly connected to the ebb and flow of the universe.

Moving on can be defined in numerous ways. Your forward momentum may take you from your current locale to a place you instinctively know will be more nurturing, comfortable, and spiritually enriching. Once you arrive, your misgivings will vanish, and you will know that you have found a sanctuary. Similarly, subtle changes in your values, goals, or emotional needs can motivate you to distance yourself from one group of people in order to reassociate yourself with individuals that are better able to support you. For example, this could mean moving away from your birth family in order to find your energetic or spiritual family. The route you need to travel may not always be clear; you may feel inspired to change yet be unsure as to why or how. Clarity may come in the form of a question if you are willing to seriously ask yourself where your soul is trying to take you.

In a way, moving from one point to another when you feel strongly driven to do so is a way of bringing your spiritual and earthly energies together. It is a two-step process that involves not only letting go but also reconnecting. You will know you have found your destination, physical or otherwise, when you feel in your heart that you have been reborn into a life that is just the right shape, size, and composition.

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Is There More To Life Than Just Being Happy?

What if you discovered there was something much more fulfilling than just being momentarily happy?

Over the last four decades, Dr John Demartini, human behavior expert, author and international speaker, has helped thousands of people ignite a new flame in their life by focusing on the importance of personal values.

Author of four decades worth of personal development books, Dr John Demartini shares the insights of his 44 years of research, having worked with thousands of couples struggling to find their illusive happiness.

In truth, there is only a balanced form of love. Everything else is a one-sided romantic fantasy, or illusion.

No one around you is committed to making your life fulfilling and amazing every day, that is primarily up to you. But you can find someone who can help you do what fulfills your life and you, them. A fulfilling life will include helping others, and the special one you love most, fulfill what they would love most, which helps them want in turn to help you fulfill what you would love most.

Dr Demartini believes that one of the pillars of stable relationships is understanding each others highest values and how they complement each other.

He says it is essential to know and embrace your personal values and empower all seven primary areas of your life before looking for your loving partner. Just like you are inwardly asking yourself what is in it for me, they are also asking what is in it for them. If you desire to attract a great catch it is reasonable for you to also be a great catch.  Loving mates are magnetized when you are authentic and empowered in as many of the seven areas as possible, that is you are intelligent mentally, achieving vocationally, high earning financially, caring familially, influential socially, well and attractive physically and inspired spiritually.  

By empowering your life you increase the probability of doing something amazing along with someone amazing. 

Learn to love your life. Discover how to be resourceful in your perceptions and actions, then no matter what happens in your life, there is something you can do to achieve something extraordinary from it.

Dr Demartinis relationship equation is based on opening the doorway to self-clarity and empowerment. Instead of worrying about finding fleeting happiness, more wisely ask yourself What are your top three highest values and how can you fulfill them? What would you absolutely love to do in life? What are the highest priority action steps you can take today to achieve this? And when you meet your potential mate ask yourself, What are your mates top three highest values and how can you help them become fulfilled. 

The more you value you, the more the world will value you. The more you love others for who they are the more they will turn into who you love. 

You deserve to live your dreams. Do not disregard your quality of life by undermining the important questions which help illuminate your personal values and allow you to be the greatest and most authentic version of yourself.

You must find out what is important to you, and afterwards see where your partners values align with your own. This is so that you can both feel loved for who you are – not someone elses idea of who you should be.

Your fulfilling will be built upon a foundation of gratitude and true and balanced love which will allow you to achieve true understand of what really makes your relationship last. 

For gratitude is the key that opens up the gateway of the heart and allows love from within to come radiating out.

So count your blessings. This will release the healing power of gratitude and love and help you realize you already have everything you are looking for, all it takes is a little bit of attention and communication.

Dr. John Demartini is a human behaviour specialist, educator, author and the founder of the Demartini Institute.

www.DrDemartini.com

YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED, STOP IT!

Such good messages, I thought I would share another of his messages  - many people talk about depression, when is fact they are just having a few 'low' days. What do you think?

COMMIT TO VISUALIZATION AND YOUR AFFIRMATIONS

Commit to Visualization and Your Affirmations 
Your visualizations and affirmations should accurately describe the life you want to live. This is your vision. You can design it any way you want. Exercise your creativity and ingenuity. Have fun! As you create a vision of your future and support it with your affirmation, you will begin to see things you never saw before. Here are some other tips to help you program your nonconscious mind with visualizations and affirmations.

Recommit and Refine. You have to keep refining your goals, your business vision and your affirmations. The game never ends. Design your vision and write out your affirmations until they are perfect in your mind. You have to keep recommitting to the process. Every time you set your goals higher, every time you push past the goalposts even further, or set your foot on the path to some new goal or aspiration, you have to recommit to the process of articulating that goal and then imprinting it onto your nonconscious brain.

Complete the Process. Make sure you finish writing your vision statement and affirmations. Are you procrastinating or not completing the work?If you find you haven’t done the work, here’s the question you could pose to yourself: What stories am I telling myself as to why I haven’t done this work? The way you do anything is the way you everything. If you’re dragging your feet, ask yourself: Why? What reason are you giving yourself that you can’t do this? Your habits are forcing you to behave in the same old ways you always have.

Embrace making a change. You can ask yourself other questions such as: How well is my inactivity working for me in my business and my life? Wouldn’t it be nice to make a change? You have nothing to lose but old habits that aren’t working for you—and you have everything to gain.

Commit to the Process. Stay focused and commit to doing the neural reconditioning work day in and day out. Make yourself reminder notes to review where you stand with the process, perhaps at the beginning of every week. Add a statement to your reprogramming routine that addresses your commitment, something along the lines of: I am building on a solid new unconscious foundation to take my success even further.

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By John Assaraf

Creating visualizations is a great way to set your future, as your unconscious mind does not know the difference between real and not real! Let me know how you get on!